Mini Film Reviews (16-04-18 to 22-04-18)

The Hitman’s Bodyguard

Much better than I was expecting. Snappy and sharp action-comedy, with some really sweet moments. 9/10.

Wrath of the Titans

Average fantasy film. Fun to watch with inaccurate characterisations. Cool monsters. 7/10.

Leviathan

Kind of boring, easy to find quite a few films that are similar in formula. Fairly good cast. 6/10.

Insidious: The Last Key

Strong beginning, the addition of the nieces seemed a bit unnecessary, but it still worked okay. Amazing monster design as always. Solid and actually quite scary film. 8/10.

Fantastic Mr. Fox

Listen it may make me a basic indie fool but I do love Wes Anderson. A sweet, funny and satisfying film to watch with a super cool animation style. 7/10.

Insidious: Chapter 3

The Insidious films are quickly becoming some of my favourites. Although they may be a bit jumbled and meandering the creature design is always perfect and I would do for Elise Rainier. 8/10.

Mini Film Reviews (02-04-18 to 08-04-18)

Megashark vs. Giant Octopus

Absolute garbage. Terrible writing and acting. Fucking hilarious. 2/10.

G.I. Joe: Rise of the Cobra

Not as bad as I was expecting. Great fun, easy to watch. Standard action film with a pretty cool cast. 8/10.

Machete

Fucking brilliant. Typical Robert Rodriguez film with a great cast. Really cool cinematography and completely ridiculous writing. 7/10.

The Other Side of the Door

Pretty good horror film. Creepy makeup and effects. Great cast. 8/10.

Resurrection of Evil

Fairly decent film. An interesting-ish plot is spoiled a bit by the main actress’ performance, but overall it’s not too bad. 5/10.

The Secrets of Emily Blair

Good exorcism film. Colm Meaney is a wonderful human. Amazing acting. 8/10.

Journey to the Center of the Earth

A nice film. Dated by the special effects, but a fun film nonetheless. 7/10.

Inkheart

Sweet and well directed. Fun fantasy film with a great cast. Especially good acting from the younger kids. 7/10.

The Similars

I have. No idea why this was made or which lunatic came up with the idea. But it takes a completely hilarious image and makes it super disturbing. 6/10.

Satanic

Pretty average. Clearly low budget but still shot well with good camera quality. Irritating characters who are somehow shocked that screwing about with supernatural forces ends badly. 5/10.

Amityville Horror

I’m still not 100% sold on this, but I prefer this version to the original. Solid acting and a great cast. 7/10.

The Believers

Surprisingly good for an impulse watch. Martin Sheen is always great. Questionable stereotyping. Overall entertaining and creepy. 7/10.

Supernova

Pretty boring. Some vaguely entertaining parts but all in all films like Event Horizon and Pandorum do space horror much better. 5/10.

Virus

Okay, the ending is a bit muddy, but otherwise not bad. Cool use of Obama’s speeches on the Zika and Ebola viruses. 6/10.

Doom

Love this film. Clear game adaptation, and it doesn’t shy away from that. Cheesy and violent, with a solid cast. It’s a lot of fun. 6/10.

Halloween (2007)

Eh. I do generally like Rob Zombie films but sometimes the purposefully arch scripting gets on my nerves. Not sure why he decided to remake a classic. 5/10.

Debug

Not bad. Not great. Pretty average space/horror film. Not enough character interaction or development. The ending needs more explanation. 6/10.

Straight From Hell

Pretty average to be honest. Predictable ‘kids screw about with demon stuff and then things go wrong’ concept. 5/10.

Stir of Echoes

Alright. Good acting and an interesting-ish plot. Really depressing final 20 minutes or so. 5/10.

The Crucifixion

Pretty average exorcism film. Similar to the Exorcism of Emily Rose. Fairly watchable with a mostly unlikeable protagonist. 5/10.

Mini Film Reviews (19-03-18 to 25-03-18)

47 Feet Down

Fairly standard shark film with an interesting ending. Predictable poor choices from the two main characters. 6/10.

Inanimate

Not that great. Good cast dynamics. More unique plot that some ship-based horror films. 7/10.

Rancid

Surprisngly decent. Gets a little tangled nearer the end but otherwise a pretty good zombie-esque film. 7/10.

Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle

Good! Funny and easy to watch. A nice sequel to the original. Great cast. 8/10.

Black Panther

Fucking spectacular. Beautiful, funny, inspiring, best Marvel film alongside Thor: Ragnarok. Amazing visuals and cast. 10/10.

Mini Film Reviews (12-03-18 to 18-03-18)

Annihilation

Amazing! Really amazing!! Gorgeous cinematography and an interesting plot. Beautifully acted. 9/10.

The Descent

Honestly one of my favourite horror films. Claustrophobic and intense, with brilliant sound design. 10/10.

The Wailing

Far too long, but if you have time I’d say it’s worth a look. Some genuinely scary and unsettling acting and a well done plot. 7/10.

Hypersomnia

Reminiscent of Sucker Punch, but with a vaguely more interesting plot and better acting. Good film with an important political message. 7/10.

The Others

Typical hysterical horror film. Lots of screaming and Nicole Kidman being irritating. Interesting ending though. 6/10.

Sharktopus Vs. Pteracuda

Oh boy was this a lot. Completely ridiculous and hilarious, not in any way meant to be taken seriously. 7/10.

Dinocroc Vs. Supergator

Clearly a far lower budget than usual, but surprisingly good and more reasonable than similar films. 7/10.

Sharktopus Vs. Whalewolf

A fucking fiasco. Complete nonsense. Hilarious. Super fun to watch and laugh at the ‘acting’. Roger Corman is a blessing. 6/10.

Season of the Witch

Not particularly amazing, but a decent wallpaper fantasy action film. Woefully under diverse but fairly fun to watch. 7/10.

The Jungle Book (2016)

Really beautiful and sweet. Very well done remake. Great cast and amazing animation. 8/10.

Mini Film Reviews (05-03-18 to 11-03-18)

Gattaca

Fairly good sci-fi film. Great cast and an interesting dystopian plot. Quite an unsatisfying ending though. 7/10.

The Terminator

Obviously a ‘classic’ film. But honestly this could use a decent remake with more agency for Sarah Connor. Not too bad. 5/10.

The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari

Starts off Very slowly but towards the end it’s actually pretty cool. You can see how much it’s influenced so many films. 7/10.

Veronica

Very good horror film. Some genuinely spooky bits and an enjoyable version of a typical horror plot. 6/10.

Temple

Typical ‘American tourists get fucked up by ancient customs’ plot. Nothing hugely special, but fairly well acted. 6/10.

Arrival

Much better than the first time I watched it. Heartfelt and original, with wonderful acting. 8/10.

Don’t Look Now

Gorgeously put together film from the 70s. Beautiful music and an interesting adapted plot. Engaging characters. 8/10.

Mini Film Reviews (26-02-18 to 04-03-18)

The Fog

Pretty decent remake. A lot creepier than the first one in my opinion. Good cast and effects. Pretty much just a wallpaper film. 6/10.

Jacob’s Ladder

You can definitely see how this inspired Silent Hill. Great acting and an interesting, if not entirely original, plot. 7/10.

The Exorcism of Emily Rose

A vaguely decent exorcism film. Interesting to know the context behind it so I’d recommend researching that before watching it. Overall not bad. 6/10.

Arctic Blast

Excusing some truly awful special effects and some awkward scripting, this was a fairly good film. Classic disaster plot in the same vein as The Day After Tomorrow. 6/10.

Jessabelle

Fairly good film. Somehow I doubt it’s an accurate depiction of voodoo though. Really well acted with interesting characters though. 6/10.

The Woman

Holy moly what a film. This was pretty horrifying to watch, not necessarily jump-scary but insidious and disgusting. Great ending. 9/10.

The House On Pine Street

Tense and uncomfortable, but sadly anticlimactic in its explanation. Not very satisfying as horror films go, but an interesting take on the ghost house genre. 7/10.

The Evil Dead 2

Honestly I can see what they were going for here. I think I wasn’t in the right mindset for it. Over the top and hysterical with ridiculous special effects. 4/10.

Jack Goes Home

I’m still not entirely sure what to think of this film. Overall it’s a decent concept, but the characters are so disjointed it’s hard to really grasp what’s happening. 6/10.

Mirrors

Some reallllyyyy gross bits in this film that seem to try and cover up a pretty substandard plot. Not hugely interesting and uses a typical ‘tortured male’ protagonist which isn’t original or engaging at all. 5/10.

Shut In

You know, one day the majority of horror films won’t be focussed on misogynistic and creepy white guys. Sadly today is not that day and this is basically annoying and sad because it might have been really good. 4/10.

Mini Film Reviews (19-02-18 to 25-02-18)

Jennifer’s Body

Not as good as I was expecting, but still pretty fun. Peak late 2000s fashion and scripting. Megan Fox is a treasure. 6/10.

Deep Blue Sea

Pretty decent shark film with an interesting plot. I love sharks and I do wish people would stop vilifying them. But honestly this was an overall good and entertaining film. 7/10.

Sphere

Tense and engaging, this film has clearly influenced more recent horror films. This does slightly ruin all the twists and turns, but the film is still decently enjoyable. 7/10.

Deep Rising

Typical Stephen Sommers film, schlocky and aggressive and a lot of fun. In no way designed to be taken seriously but it’s a fun wallpaper action film overall. 7/10.

13 Ghosts

I’ve not seen the original but the concept for this is pretty cool. The script is a bit cheesy and forced at times but overall it’s a really cool ghost-based film. 7/10.

Ghost Ship

Pretty much does what it says on the tin. There’s a ship. There’s ghosts. More or less everyone dies. Not great, but mildly entertaining. 5/10.

Virus

I’m not sure if this is an acceptable descriptor but I’d say this film is very Borg-esque. Not all that good or engaging, which is a shame considering how good the cast is. 4/10.

First Born

A really good film! I wasn’t expecting much but this is a really touching, creepy and watchable feature. 9/10.

Identity

Overall a decent film, if blatantly exploitative of people with dissociative identity disorder. Well acted and written, but the ‘twist’ at the ending is a bit hamfisted. 6/10.

The Woman In Black

Standard ghost film. Not as many jump scares as I expected, and not massively original, but still decent. 5/10.

The Watcher

Not as bad as I was expecting. Good plot and cast, and interestingly written as well. All in all a really fun horror film. 7/10.

Clinical

I wasn’t ever entirely sure what was happening throughout this whole film. Sometimes that’s good but I think in this case it was just unengaging and kind of boring. Also overlong and not tied together very well. 4/10.

The Abyss

Surprisingly touching and sweet, for a film set in the deep, deep sea. Pretty special effects and quite a fun overall plot. Slightly overlong but not entirely terrible. 6/10.

The Skeleton Key

Yo this was really good! Films involving hoodoo or voodoo are usually pretty interesting, even though I don’t know if they’re accurate. And this had a really interesting plot and awesome cast. 8/10.

Kill List

Solidly odd film. Engaging and twisty without being too forced. Quite an original idea with serious Wicker Man vibes towards the end. 7/10.

Storage 24

Underwhelming. Irritating cast and not enough about the alien. 3/10.

Last Knights

Surprisingly decent film. Very diverse for the ‘medieval’ genre. Good cast if a little bit slow nearer the end. 6/10.

Mini Film Reviews (05-02-18 to 11-02-18)

Pay the Ghost

Generally quite slow with some fairly creepy effects and good jump scares. Vaguely original plot and decent acting. 6/10.

The Thing

Overall pretty good! Not as claustrophobic as the original but a good array of characters and some awesome special effects. 7/10.

The Shape of Water

This was gorgeous. Beautiful acting, colouring, effects and script. Wonderful characters. Doug Jones is a treasure and he brings the creature to life and makes him hot. I love Guillermo del Toro so much for this film. 10/10.

Unknown

Not bad. A decent,

interesting thriller film with a fairly good plot. Engaging support characters and well done cinematography. 6/10.

Twisted

Amazing thriller with brilliant acting. Engaging to watch and an interesting storyline. Wonderful and well written protagonist. 9/10.

The Possession

Standard possession film. Interesting to learn more about Jewish folklore. Amazing acting from the kids. 7/10.

Get Out

Spectacular. Incredibly tense and uncomfortable. Amazing acting. Top grade directing debut from Jordan Peele. 9/10.

Unborn

Again focussing on Jewish folklore and history. Pretty cinematography and some good jump scares. Really gross special effects. 7/10.

Unthinkable

Very good. An in depth look at the lengths people will go to to get what they want. More of an ordeal than a film. 8/10.

A Time to Kill

Brutal, harrowing and horrendously culturally relevant even today. An intimate view of violent racism in the southern states of America. 9/10.

The Ritual

The last twenty minutes almost negate how stark and tense the beginning and middle of the film were. Still pretty good, great cast and an interesting plot. 7/10.

Altitude

It definitely tries to be tense, but unfortunately the characters are all so unlikeable that the film’s attempts get overshadowed. Quality sky tentacle monster though. 5/10.

In The Mouth Of Madness

Brilliant eldritch horror film. Genuinely off-putting and engaging to watch. Amazing acting and as always, John Carpenter is a gem. 7/10.

Coco

Adorable, brightly coloured Disney film. Sweet storyline and themes, wonderful old female characters. Generally a lovely film, if a bit predictable. 6/10.

The Manchurian Candidate

Not what I was expecting. Interesting political/sci-fi-esque film. Good acting all round. Not massively engaging. 7/10.

Thor: Ragnarok

Fucking spectacular. Gorgeous colours, funny as hell, perfect superhero film. I love Taika Waititi. 10/10.

Mini Film Reviews (15-01-18 to 21-01-18)

The Rite

I love Anthony Hopkins more than should be allowed. He absolutely makes this film, but even without him it would be brilliant. 9/10.

Fallen

Another great film. Denzel Washington is an icon and the plot is super interesting with a good ending. 8/10.

The Island-I love a good creepy utopia film and this one delivers well. Solid plot and acting. Shout out to the ‘I know Jesus loves you’ guy. 7/10

Extraction

Terrible. So badly written and why have Bruce Wilis in a film just so he’s there for 5 minutes. 1/10.

Insidious

Brilliant. Really high quality horror film and i love the makeup on the demon. 8/10.

Ava’s Possessions

Darkly funny film, beautiful neon cinematography, original plot and fun special effects. 7/10.

Ultraviolet

Mila Jovovich is amazing and kickass but as far as i can see this is essentially resident evil but with faux-vampires and a depressing maternity deprivation subplot. Otherwise quite fun though. 6/10.

Momentum

A quality thriller experience. Good action and acting that save a familiar plot. 8/10.

Julia’s Eyes

Frequently gross and harrowing. Such a good horror-thriller with amazing acting. Not one for the faint of heart. 8/10.

Shrooms

Mildly ridiculous premise, but beneath that is a genuinely entertaining horror film. Very few big scares and a typical ‘teen horror’ cast, but good acting, amazing scenery and a premium ending. 8/10.

The Bad Batch

Listen man, any film that has a double amputation, Die Antwoord and shirtless Jason Momoa in the first ten minutes is fine with me. 8/10.

The Purge

Decent home invasion movie with a vaguely interesting premise. Nothing too exciting but a perfectly fine watch with good acting. 7/10.

Jigsaw

Pretty good! Really interesting final scenes, quality acting and as close as you can get to a legitimately original take on the typical ‘Saw’ plot-line. 7/10.

Mean Creek

Wow this is a depressing film. Most of my brain hates films like this; they’re sad, stressful and not massively original. But sometimes i do enjoy them, and this one is well acted and has a sweet soundtrack, with some Deliverance vibes. 6/10.

My Soul to Take

Relatively good teen horror film by Wes Craven. Decent plot, semi-successful acting and script. 6/10.

Absentia

Slowly paced, atmospheric horror. Well written main characters, nicely shot, lit and edited. 7/10.

Mini Film Reviews (01-01-18 to 07-01-18)

Power Rangers

Autistic main character!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Original Power Rangers theme tune!!!!!!!!!! Rita!!!!!!! Fucking great soundtrack and an all round fun time film. 8/10.

Infinity Chamber

A little bit disturbing, really good acting by a small, relatively unknown (by me at least) cast, with some funny bits and a generally friendly computer. 8/10.

The Red Turtle

Soft loveliness, very aesthetically pleasing, a gentle and good film. No talking by any character but this doesn’t take away from the overall feature. 7/10.

A Monster Calls

Listen, don’t watch with other people or they’ll see you sobbing like a tiny baby. Beautiful animation, acting and storyline. 9/10.

John Wick

The only note I have for this is ‘Keanu Reeves can shoot me in the chest any day’, so I think that sums it up. Amazing action sequences and soundtrack. 7/10.

The Autopsy of Jane Doe

Average horror, good acting and music, couple of decent jump scares; nothing that special. Premise of it should have been expanded on/hinted at more. 6/10.

The Vault

Vaguely interesting if predictable ending, average acting. Should have been fleshed out more, felt a bit rushed. 4/10.

Bushwick

More interesting plot than most similar films, not expanded on enough though, acting is Quite Bad. The ending is sad and mostly unnecessary. 5/10.